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 Grey Forsaken Box

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Beckaney
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Age : 34
Registration date : 2007-02-18

PostSubject: Grey Forsaken Box   Tue Feb 20, 2007 6:39 am

Grey Forsaken Box
Blackened hate filled blood shed lies,
Spreading through a grey forsaken box.
Black shapes thrown around inside,
Spread by shadowy deceitful minds.
Souls been tainted by forsaken spirits.
Hearts been shredded by blood drenched claws.
Lives been taken over by shadowy figures,
Forsaken one you made your mark.
Silvery bolts come crashing down,
Striking the earth ridding its troubled lands,
Of all that dare to tarnish itís name,
And create discoloring after math .
Satan roams the world on this blackened day,
Collecting all the tainted souls of yesterday.
Leaving behind the divine and golden hearts,
Of all those with auras so sunshine golden bright.
And right there in the middle of all the ugliness,
Stands the most frail in my and fear filled hearts.
Wondering what went wrong with humanity,
And why so many turned to the blackened days.
What a Face Beckaney
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.::Brianna::.
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PostSubject: Re: Grey Forsaken Box   Tue Feb 20, 2007 6:41 am

Wow, well done Beck. I loved it and I hope to see more because this was wonderful piece of poetry. Very dark, which of course I love! And does make you think a little.

All in all I love it and keep em coming.

.::Brianna::.
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Beckaney
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PostSubject: Re: Grey Forsaken Box   Tue Feb 20, 2007 7:33 am

Thanks Bri, glad you liked it. Razz
I was aiming to make people think with this piece.

Be really interesting to see what peoples interpretations of this piece are
and if anyone can give me any suggestions on improving
I would be greatful.

What a Face Beckaney
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.::Brianna::.
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PostSubject: Re: Grey Forsaken Box   Tue Feb 20, 2007 8:06 am

Dont worry it will deffintely make people think. I can`t give you any feedback I`m afriad as I know nothing about Poetry. But I`m sure other members will be able to.

.::Brianna::.
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Insomniac
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PostSubject: Re: Grey Forsaken Box   Tue Feb 20, 2007 11:23 am

I know nothing about poetry, but this is very good. A dark piece I must say, but very good none the less.
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Beckaney
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PostSubject: Re: Grey Forsaken Box   Tue Feb 20, 2007 3:03 pm

Well thanks Insomniac, I appreciate the fact that you have taken your time to read over it and comment.


What a Face Beckaney
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Kite Shield
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PostSubject: Re: Grey Forsaken Box   Tue Feb 20, 2007 4:54 pm

this rings a bell for me sounds alot like a certian happening in a book

but aside from that dark as most poets are good work though liked some of the word choices
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