Here's an extremely rough draft of my latest story other than 'The Crack Saints." It's a WWII thriller, and its not done yet. I only have the first two parts done, but I want some opinons.
Cheers
~
The Beautiful Spy: Written by Insomniac
February 2007: Rough Draft
Rating: M (Maybe upgraded in the near future)
Genre: Espionage
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Part One:
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She sat on the edge of the bed, unpacking her belongings. Her hands dug deep in the leather knapsack, pulling out clothes and tiny little boxes. Placing them carefully on top of the bed, the woman dropped the empty knapsack onto the wood floor and let out a sigh. She turned her attention to the little boxes, opening them slowly. Inside were pieces of a camera, which the woman began putting together. It took but two minutes for the camera to be completely assembled. She held the black and gray camera in her gentile hands, toying with the grip of the device.
The woman stood up, putting the camera back in the knapsack which she threw over her shoulder. She scanned over her little room, noticing the tiny bubbles in the bed sheet and the handful of cigarette butts in a clear ashtray on the wooden bedside table. Something just wasn’t right about this room she thought before walking towards the door.
To match the locals, she wore beige pants and a beige button down shirt. Her dark hair was down to her shoulders while her blue eyes were wide. She had full, pouty lips, extenuated with a pale red lipstick. She wasn’t a stickler for fashion or looks, but it helped with getting the attention of the officers.
Her black dress boots echoed on the wooden hallway floor, as she made her way towards the stairs. The hallway was empty except for a beige fatigued soldier, standing outside of a green door, holding a rifle. The soldier turned his attention towards her, scanning over her body for a moment before he looked down at the floor. A smile formed on her tanned face.
“Ms. Heike?” a man called out from down the hall. He walked quickly towards her, his face determined.
She looked back at the man. “Ja?”
“You’ve been summoned by Herr Richter. I’m here to escort you to his personal fortress. Please pack your things immediately, for we must leave quickly.”
Heike let out a sigh. She walked back towards her room, with the man following her. He wore dark fatigues with black knee high dress boots, and a black cap. A holstered pistol was on his waist.
“So, what is your name?” Heike asked as she repacked her things quickly.
“Ich heisse Otto,” he replied a moment later. He stood in the doorway, with his arms folded against his chest. He had a head of short and neat blond hair with pale blue eyes. His nose was crooked while his face was narrow.
“Otto? That’s a nice name,” she said grabbing her cigarettes from the bedside table. Heike walked out of the room, waiting for Otto to follow.
“We must go, our ride is waiting.”
Both of them walked towards the stairs and out of the hotel.
#
“Do you understand your mission?” Otto asked quietly, looking at Heike.
She nodded. “I’m to document where the panzers are within the fortress and relay the information via the radio to Allied Command. I am also to gather any intelligence that I can.”
Otto chuckled.
“Word for word of the briefing, you’re good. But seriously, this is a very important assignment, one that if fails, could lead to a Allied loss. There’s been another objective added to your assignment.”
Heike lit a cigarette and took a long drag. “So what’s the new objective?”
“Eliminate Richter,” Otto answered, in a tone slightly above a whisper.
The color quickly was drained from Heike’s face.
“If I have to kill the head SS officer, there’s no way that I’m making it out of that fortress alive,” she replied.
“Well, I’ll be with you for most of the assignment, as your ‘bodyguard’ but there is a way for you to get Richter alone, if you get my innuendo.”
Heike looked disgusted for a moment. “Oh, I understand your innuendo Herr Otto, but there must be a better way, hasn’t there?”
He nodded. “I’ve got a suppressed pistol if you want it, but I have to hold on to it until you get checked by the gate guards.”
“Good,” she said, exhaling smoke. “That’ll do nicely.”
#
Fortress Richter stood in the middle of the desert. It was a dark, monolithic structure, complete with an iron gate. In the massive courtyard of the fortress, was a squadron of panzers.
Heike looked at the approaching with awe. Otto noticed this and chuckled.
“The easiest way to get into Richter’s office is from the front hallway, up the stairs and down the left corridor. I’ll follow you but you must remember to act like a gawking propagandist, eager to make an award winning story about the Fuerher’s Afrika Korps.”
“I know. How about the guards? How many are there and what are they armed with?” she asked.
“They’re elite members of the Waffen-SS, armed with submachine guns. I remember that there was ten of them within the corridor. Richter is a paranoid psychopath, so we must be careful. One slip could kill us within minutes, okay?”
“You’re treating me like a first time agent,” Heike said with a sneer. “I’ve done more assignments than you Herr Otto, so don’t worry, I won’t slip up.”
“I apologize Heike, I’m just trying to get you to understand how dangerous this mission is.”
She threw her cigarette out the car window, and pulled her camera out of her knapsack. Quickly she put the strap over her head so that the camera rested against her bosom.
“My name isn’t Heike, its Kate,” she said quietly.
#
Part Two:
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“What don’t you understand?” exclaimed Richter angrily, as he paced the length of his office. His pale face was now red and flustered.
“There’s a spy within these walls! Why can’t you find out who it is?” he asked his officers, furiously.
“Herr Obst,” one of the officers began, “We’ve begun an investigation but it’ll take time, you must understand this. There’s over five hundred members of the Wermacht alone, not to mention the special assignment officers and the Gestapo. We must act with discretion or there could be an uprising.”
The officer, a middle aged man with short blond hair and a tanned face, looked at Richter silently.
“I understand that Schneider, but I don’t want a spy within these walls. I’m in charge of a special division of Hitler’s finest soldiers, and I won’t be belittled by command because of some Allied bastard.”
Richter walked towards his desk, taking a seat quickly. He opened one of the desk drawers, pulling out a box of cigarettes and a lighter. Richter screwed one of them in the corner of his mouth and lit it.
“I’m trying to make sure that this fortress is secure, that’s all. I’ve been entrusted to find that damned gold and I won’t fail. At this point, I don’t care if I have to kill Rommel himself, I will not fail,” he said, taking a long drag on his cigarette.
His sarcasm wasn’t well received, making the officers look at him, confused.
“I was kidding, don’t worry.”
The chamber grew quiet as the officers began filing out. Richter sat in silence, thinking about his words. Maybe they just didn’t understand his humor, that had to be it, Richter decided, taking another drag off the cigarette.
#
“I’m with Seig Heil, the magazine. I have a meeting with Obst Richter, and I don’t want to keep him waiting,” Kate said with fake enthusiasm.
The black uniformed SS guard looked her over, keeping his MP40 submachine gun aimed at her.
“I see,” he said, scanning over Kate’s forged papers. “And this is? Your bodyguard?”
Kate nodded. Otto cleared his throat.
“I’m Hauptmann Otto, her security escort. My papers are in order,” he replied pulling out his personal papers, handing them over to the armed guard.
The SS guard let go of his gun, letting it rest against his chest as he took the papers, examining them with a meticulously.
“Due to current security issues, all guests and new arrivals must be checked for weapons, understood?”
Kate nodded, wondering what the guard was going to do. He wouldn’t find anything, Otto was holding the pistol. She simply had a camera.
“But of course,” Otto replied.
#
After ten minutes of checking, Kate was buttoning her shirt and repacking her knapsack. The grabby guard walked down the hallway while Otto was speaking with the SS officer.
“It’s about time the Obst is honored in Deutschland,” he said coolly, waiting for Kate to finish getting ready.
“Yes, he is going to be a hero, but be careful, Herr Obst is in a foul mood.”
“Thanks for the warning,” Otto said quietly, putting his pistol back in its holster.
Kate threw her brown knapsack over his shoulder and walked towards Otto.
“I’m all ready,” she said before walking down the corridor.
“Well we best get going,” he said to the SS officer before following Kate.
“Get a good picture, we out in the desert need to be honored too,” the SS officer said with a dry chuckle.
“We will sir, we will.”
#
Kate knocked on the door, before entering. Richter sat behind his desk, reading from a dossier.
“I’m Heike from Seig Heil magazine. I’m here for the interview,” she said as she walked into the office.
“I’m Karl Richter, Obst of his Fuerhr’s army,” he said, standing up. “And who are you?” Richter asked Otto.
“I’m Hauptmann Otto, her security escort.”
“Oh, well can we get this over with?”
Kate smiled. “Of course.”
Richter sat back down as the other two took seats in leather chairs in front of the desk. Silence filled the chamber.
“Well, don’t you have any questions?” Richter asked, confused by their presence.
“No,” Kate answered. “We don’t.”
“Then why are you here?” the Obst asked, quickly becoming alerted.
“Because you aren’t needed,” Otto replied, pulling out the silent pistol from under his coat. His finger wrapped around the trigger and squeezed. A bullet spat from the pistol, splattering Richter’s head against the stone wall behind him. Otto fired again, making a massive hole in Richter’s forehead. His lifeless figure fell from his chair and onto the floor. Blood pooled around his dark uniform as Kate looked at the corpse.
“He’s dead?” she asked quietly.
“Yes.”
Otto holstered the pistol and let out a heavy sigh. He turned towards Kate, and silently walked towards Richter’s corpse.
“I’m going to hide the Obst, just stay calm. We’re almost home free.”
“Okay.”
Otto grabbed Richter’s collar and dragged him behind the desk. He dropped it, keeping Richter out of plain sight.
“All right, let’s get some pictures of the panzers and get the hell out of here,” Otto said with a sly smile.
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Subject: The Beautiful Spy 
Fri Feb 23, 2007 4:50 am
